Title: How To Cook a Wife
Categories: Broadside Info
Yield: 1 Servings

Information

While men spare no pains in obtaining the best materials for this superlative dish, they are often totally regardless after the first mouthfull of the necessary precautions to render it permanently sweet, and if through neglect it turns sour they invariably slander the dish, while the fault is in themselves. It is true the merits of this dish cannot be ascertained at first taste, which is always sweet-the "after" taste is the proper criterion of the merits which depend entirely on the cooking of the dish. Our great objection therefore is not to "make" the wife a sweet companion, but to "keep" her so. This mau be accomplished in the following manner: Obtain an adequate supply of pure water of affection, and gently immerse her therein. Should the water during this process become ruffled a little of the original Balm of Courtship will restore it to its usual smoothness. The fire should be composed of true love, with a few sighs to increase the flame, which should not be too warm. nor yet suffered to abate entirely, as that would spoil the dish. Coolness is often the rain (sic) of the dish, erroneously asserted by some cooks to be necessary, which cooks add also sprigs of indifference, but this is a very dangerous practice, as a good wife, is exquisitely delicate and susceptible. A few evergreens such as industry, sobriety, and fondness are necessary and a moderate quantity of the spirit or coaxings, and one of the kisses may be added giving the whole a most delicate flavour. Garnish with flowers of endearment and kindness, and you will then appreciate the delights of a dish compared with which all others sink into insignificance, namely, A GOOD WIFE.

From an Early 19th Century Broadsheet Courtesy of Smoke and Fire News November 1996

MM Format by John Hartman

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